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(no subject) [May. 5th, 2009|02:59 am]
Hello World. It has been some time since we last spoke.

I feel like there are lots of things I want to scream at the top of my lungs, just to adequately remove them from my head.
If only I had put money on what I knew was coming, I would be a rich girl.

Summer is on its way to rescue me.

'Heres to all the pretty words, we will never speak'
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(no subject) [Feb. 8th, 2009|06:29 pm]
I have felt very mixed up over the past week. I'm working now, which is good because I have more of a routine and I'm earning. And all the people that I work with are really nice and make me feel like I've been there for ages! It's fat face again so I know what I'm doing. It has been a year and a half, so I should do...
I had my exam last wednesday which I only began revision for the night before. Typical. But it actually went so much better than I expected it to. And so I'm hopeful for a good mark. My essay that I handed in a few weeks ago also went really well. I got a 1st. Which, again I left until 3am on the day that it was due in, to hand in. My philosophy tutor asked me if it was all my own work because it was really good. Bit cheeky of him, but I took it as an indirect compliment. It was a question on the topic that I got an A for in my philosophy A Level so I'd have been dissapointed if I did badly in it. We have started our new topics now aswell, Democracy and Studying cultures, which is really interesting. And considering friday was only introductory seminars and lectures, we all managed to debate for an hour and a half solid, so I think its going to be fun, more motivating etc. I need to make a concious effort now with my attendence.

My family seem to have hit rock bottom, so I'm quite thankful to be away from home. But at the same time I feel bad for not being around to try and help. My brother is never home so I feel like my younger brothers are getting caught in the middle. Something that I really dont want to happen, because I dont want their futures being trouble because of this. It isn't primarily my responsibility but it is still hugely my responsibility given the circumstances.
Rant over.

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(no subject) [Dec. 12th, 2008|11:02 am]
Things since my last entry have improved so much. I've been making more of an effort with uni and i feel more accomplished with it now. I've spoken to my tutors etc and all has been smoothed over.
My money situation however, has spiraled out of control! Im so broke, but I'm not letting it bother me because...I'm going home in two days and I cant wait!! I can't wait to see my little brothers. And my cat! And we have a christmas tree up now so i'll automatically feel cosy and warm and ready for christmas. I know that I'm coming home to a lot of work, I have lots of hours at fat face, which is so good because I need to earn back the pennies that I've spent! and I also love everyone there and even tho i'm coming home to work, the work in itself is like coming home.
I've been sleeping properly for the past couple of nights, which is good because before I was a genuine creature of the night. Not sleeping until at least 9am and not waking until around 9pm. By which time my whole day was GONE. Never to be seen again.
I've been thinking of a few things;
Why don't fish and chip shops sell fish fingers?
Christmas is irrational. When you look at the facts; We bring a tree into our homes and decorate it. We run ourselves into debt to buy presents for people when its not even their birthday! We slaughter god knows how many turkeys around the country. We worship a big fat man in a red suit who brings children presents by riding through the skies in a sleigh pulled by reindeer, he then hops down our chimneys. What about people in flats who dont have chimneys? what about those poor children? Oh, and some celebrate the immaculate conception of jesus, millions of years ago. In my view, Mary had a fantastic sex life. Evidently.
Nevertheless I will still celebrate it and enjoy the food and the tv and watching my little brothers get all excited about their presents! and im going to feed my cat some lovely turkey. Shes getting on a bit now.

Anyway...good moods all round. Home time soon.
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(no subject) [Nov. 27th, 2008|11:02 am]
And so, if I'm honest. I hate uni.
I love the life, living in Brighton, my friends here and such.
But then I go to my seminars or lectures, or you know, don't go which is more the case. And when I am there I just feel shit. I feel so stupid and self concious. Like everyone thinks I'm a loser, which I am, but they aren't allowed to think that! only my real friends are! It feels like when I'm there I just cannot wait to come home, and I mean to London. Real home. And I'm kind of counting down the days until I can go home.
But other times, leisure time and social time I love it.
I cannot wait for christmas, thing is, this now, being at uni is more of a doss than christmas will be for me. I'm going back to fat face to pay back my overdraft so I'll be working alot, more early mornings...less social time in which I dont have to feel bad for getting drunk because I know I don't have uni tomorrow. But, being home and not having to worry about my next seminar or lecture will be mentally a long sleep.
And now I'm ill! Typical that when I'm trying to make more effort with uni I actually get ill and so now I cant have sick days because I used those up crying wolf.
Finally have internet at home now, took its time. I would get so frustrated with my laptop, sitting there not really doing much at all. Just looking pretty and allowing me to play solitaire until the early hours of the morning.
This is another thing actually, my sleeping pattern is completely fucked. I went to bed at 5am this morning and got up at 8...yesterday however I went to bed at 6am and got up at 5pm. I literally hardly see daylight, maybe a reason for my slight depression.
I don't mean to rant, but it is so nice to get out what I'm feeling.
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(no subject) [Nov. 10th, 2008|04:07 am]
It has been 92 weeks since I last posted anything on here.
I love looking back at old entries of mine and others, they make me nostalgic.

I just sat and procrastinated for literally about 6 hours...trying to write an essay which, if I'm honest, I've known about for at least 3 or 4 weeks. It's due in tomorrow at 12pm, I leave it until the night before to write it. Typical.
This past week has been very expensive, but I've had alot of fun. Really enjoyed being back in London and seeing people. But So much shite has happened with one person in particular. I feel like a broken record, giving you the same advice, over and over and always giving you the benefit of the doubt, making excuses for you in my head and ignoring things because you're my friend. But its just getting boring to be honest, you've used the same old lines too many times and they have well and truely worn thin. So no more advice, no more chances. "Party done" haha. I shouldnt laugh but I mean it, I'm done with you and your same old ways.

I got my laptop today and I'm so in love, its so nice to sit in bed and type away, talk to people and that. Novel to me really.
Anyway, its 4.15 in the morning. Sleep now.
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(no subject) [Feb. 2nd, 2007|12:55 pm]
So im back on here because it seems myspace and facebook and all those other addictions don't quench my need for a good old fashioned venting session.
This week seems to have been way more serious than i'd ever even realised. I wasn't around everyone that much, which im so glad about now. Im sticking to my guns but im not going to go out of my way to make it all awkward etc.
I was on my way home on tuesday, felt fine when i was with people and then i just saw something that reminded me of my grandad, and therefore my nan and just had the biggest break down on the bus. Its 2 months later and it feels like its only just hit me. But then i still don't think its completely sunk in. I keep remembering her but theres someone elses face on her body and its like this person, who if i go to them and hug them, it'll be like hugging her. Bare weird.
I don't think my dad thinks its really affected me, or upset me as much as it has. So i feel like i can't really show how i feel in case he thinks im not being genuine.

I know not to, and that i really shouldn't.

Nice to be back actually.
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(no subject) [Mar. 31st, 2006|11:07 am]
So next tuesday people?
last day celebrations...
what are we thinking? im thinking staight after school lets get merked!!!
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(no subject) [Mar. 30th, 2006|08:44 am]
It has to be said that I do infact love school.
Today was the best day i've had in so long!
First lesson cancelled. Always a good thing to hear!  and then we had some lecture on euthanasia which was ok, but dragged like
a mother fucker.
Lunch times are nice now that we're concentrated more in school, dont get me wrong Toms is a massive cotch but i missed the old canteen days. And the food seduced me today. Fucking YUM! And then some comical dancing with halina at the barrier haha, laughed so much. 

Dont you love it when days are nice?

Kieran may well be getting out tomorrow!!! thats so much sooner than we expected, but i want him to stay in for longer, that way i get my room for longer and he is getting £100 a night for being in...

one love
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(no subject) [Mar. 16th, 2006|10:12 am]
Today after Halina departed me on the blessed TO1 I went on to morden as usual and got the 93.
Was sitting there staring out the window when i heard this man shout like he was angry or something, like a roar.
Out of fear i didnt turn around because i thought it was sum nutter or something. Thennnnn i heard this other man go
"Do you know what to do when someone has a fit?"
So i turned around and this man was hanging off his chair having a fit. Seana to the rescue...
I got the men to put him on the floor and put my pash under his head and held him with his head up to keep his airways clear
And put him on his side so he didnt choke on his tongue or vomit. Then called an ambulance. I had to look thru his bag to see if there was anything to identify his as a diabetic or epileptic. But there wasnt, but it was bait it was an epileptic fit. So he regained conciousness and we sat him on the chair and i waitied with him till the ambulance came. 

What a DRAMA

Then when i was walking thru the park on my way home this boy runs upto me and said excuse me you;ve dropped a pound. I was like ermm are you sure? 
he was, butt i didnt have a pound to drop....RAndim.
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(no subject) [Mar. 14th, 2006|12:05 pm]
[There she goes |sadhurt]
[choooon? |honey-easy lovin]

I am so badly in mourning, however you spell it im destraught.
I never thought i'd miss you so much. I just cannot believe your gone. So suddenly.
I mean i was expecting it for some time. But
not then not now. Not like that. Not after all that we'd been through.
I truely loved you, we had the best times and you got me through so many days.
I felt so comfortable with you. 

Yes people, there has been a death.

  sorry for the dramatisation.
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