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| (no subject) |
[May. 5th, 2009|02:59 am] |
Hello World. It has been some time since we last spoke.
I feel like there are lots of things I want to scream at the top of my lungs, just to adequately remove them from my head.
If only I had put money on what I knew was coming, I would be a rich girl.
Summer is on its way to rescue me.
'Heres to all the pretty words, we will never speak' |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2009|06:29 pm] |
I have felt very mixed up over the past week. I'm working now, which is good because I have more of a routine and I'm earning. And all the people that I work with are really nice and make me feel like I've been there for ages! It's fat face again so I know what I'm doing. It has been a year and a half, so I should do...
I had my exam last wednesday which I only began revision for the night before. Typical. But it actually went so much better than I expected it to. And so I'm hopeful for a good mark. My essay that I handed in a few weeks ago also went really well. I got a 1st. Which, again I left until 3am on the day that it was due in, to hand in. My philosophy tutor asked me if it was all my own work because it was really good. Bit cheeky of him, but I took it as an indirect compliment. It was a question on the topic that I got an A for in my philosophy A Level so I'd have been dissapointed if I did badly in it. We have started our new topics now aswell, Democracy and Studying cultures, which is really interesting. And considering friday was only introductory seminars and lectures, we all managed to debate for an hour and a half solid, so I think its going to be fun, more motivating etc. I need to make a concious effort now with my attendence.
My family seem to have hit rock bottom, so I'm quite thankful to be away from home. But at the same time I feel bad for not being around to try and help. My brother is never home so I feel like my younger brothers are getting caught in the middle. Something that I really dont want to happen, because I dont want their futures being trouble because of this. It isn't primarily my responsibility but it is still hugely my responsibility given the circumstances.
Rant over.
X |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 12th, 2008|11:02 am] |
Things since my last entry have improved so much. I've been making more of an effort with uni and i feel more accomplished with it now. I've spoken to my tutors etc and all has been smoothed over.
My money situation however, has spiraled out of control! Im so broke, but I'm not letting it bother me because...I'm going home in two days and I cant wait!! I can't wait to see my little brothers. And my cat! And we have a christmas tree up now so i'll automatically feel cosy and warm and ready for christmas. I know that I'm coming home to a lot of work, I have lots of hours at fat face, which is so good because I need to earn back the pennies that I've spent! and I also love everyone there and even tho i'm coming home to work, the work in itself is like coming home.
I've been sleeping properly for the past couple of nights, which is good because before I was a genuine creature of the night. Not sleeping until at least 9am and not waking until around 9pm. By which time my whole day was GONE. Never to be seen again.
I've been thinking of a few things;
Why don't fish and chip shops sell fish fingers?
Christmas is irrational. When you look at the facts; We bring a tree into our homes and decorate it. We run ourselves into debt to buy presents for people when its not even their birthday! We slaughter god knows how many turkeys around the country. We worship a big fat man in a red suit who brings children presents by riding through the skies in a sleigh pulled by reindeer, he then hops down our chimneys. What about people in flats who dont have chimneys? what about those poor children? Oh, and some celebrate the immaculate conception of jesus, millions of years ago. In my view, Mary had a fantastic sex life. Evidently.
Nevertheless I will still celebrate it and enjoy the food and the tv and watching my little brothers get all excited about their presents! and im going to feed my cat some lovely turkey. Shes getting on a bit now.
Anyway...good moods all round. Home time soon.
♥ |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 27th, 2008|11:02 am] |
And so, if I'm honest. I hate uni.
I love the life, living in Brighton, my friends here and such.
But then I go to my seminars or lectures, or you know, don't go which is more the case. And when I am there I just feel shit. I feel so stupid and self concious. Like everyone thinks I'm a loser, which I am, but they aren't allowed to think that! only my real friends are! It feels like when I'm there I just cannot wait to come home, and I mean to London. Real home. And I'm kind of counting down the days until I can go home.
But other times, leisure time and social time I love it.
I cannot wait for christmas, thing is, this now, being at uni is more of a doss than christmas will be for me. I'm going back to fat face to pay back my overdraft so I'll be working alot, more early mornings...less social time in which I dont have to feel bad for getting drunk because I know I don't have uni tomorrow. But, being home and not having to worry about my next seminar or lecture will be mentally a long sleep.
And now I'm ill! Typical that when I'm trying to make more effort with uni I actually get ill and so now I cant have sick days because I used those up crying wolf.
Finally have internet at home now, took its time. I would get so frustrated with my laptop, sitting there not really doing much at all. Just looking pretty and allowing me to play solitaire until the early hours of the morning.
This is another thing actually, my sleeping pattern is completely fucked. I went to bed at 5am this morning and got up at 8...yesterday however I went to bed at 6am and got up at 5pm. I literally hardly see daylight, maybe a reason for my slight depression.
I don't mean to rant, but it is so nice to get out what I'm feeling. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2008|04:07 am] |
It has been 92 weeks since I last posted anything on here.
I love looking back at old entries of mine and others, they make me nostalgic.
I just sat and procrastinated for literally about 6 hours...trying to write an essay which, if I'm honest, I've known about for at least 3 or 4 weeks. It's due in tomorrow at 12pm, I leave it until the night before to write it. Typical.
This past week has been very expensive, but I've had alot of fun. Really enjoyed being back in London and seeing people. But So much shite has happened with one person in particular. I feel like a broken record, giving you the same advice, over and over and always giving you the benefit of the doubt, making excuses for you in my head and ignoring things because you're my friend. But its just getting boring to be honest, you've used the same old lines too many times and they have well and truely worn thin. So no more advice, no more chances. "Party done" haha. I shouldnt laugh but I mean it, I'm done with you and your same old ways.
I got my laptop today and I'm so in love, its so nice to sit in bed and type away, talk to people and that. Novel to me really.
Anyway, its 4.15 in the morning. Sleep now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2007|12:55 pm] |
So im back on here because it seems myspace and facebook and all those other addictions don't quench my need for a good old fashioned venting session.
This week seems to have been way more serious than i'd ever even realised. I wasn't around everyone that much, which im so glad about now. Im sticking to my guns but im not going to go out of my way to make it all awkward etc.
I was on my way home on tuesday, felt fine when i was with people and then i just saw something that reminded me of my grandad, and therefore my nan and just had the biggest break down on the bus. Its 2 months later and it feels like its only just hit me. But then i still don't think its completely sunk in. I keep remembering her but theres someone elses face on her body and its like this person, who if i go to them and hug them, it'll be like hugging her. Bare weird.
I don't think my dad thinks its really affected me, or upset me as much as it has. So i feel like i can't really show how i feel in case he thinks im not being genuine.
Long.
I know not to, and that i really shouldn't.
Nice to be back actually.
x |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 31st, 2006|11:07 am] |
So next tuesday people?
last day celebrations...
what are we thinking? im thinking staight after school lets get merked!!!
x |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 30th, 2006|08:44 am] |
It has to be said that I do infact love school.
Today was the best day i've had in so long!
First lesson cancelled. Always a good thing to hear! and then we had some lecture on euthanasia which was ok, but dragged like
a mother fucker.
Lunch times are nice now that we're concentrated more in school, dont get me wrong Toms is a massive cotch but i missed the old canteen days. And the food seduced me today. Fucking YUM! And then some comical dancing with halina at the barrier haha, laughed so much.
Dont you love it when days are nice?
Kieran may well be getting out tomorrow!!! thats so much sooner than we expected, but i want him to stay in for longer, that way i get my room for longer and he is getting £100 a night for being in...
one love
xx |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2006|10:12 am] |
Today after Halina departed me on the blessed TO1 I went on to morden as usual and got the 93.
Was sitting there staring out the window when i heard this man shout like he was angry or something, like a roar.
Out of fear i didnt turn around because i thought it was sum nutter or something. Thennnnn i heard this other man go
"Do you know what to do when someone has a fit?"
So i turned around and this man was hanging off his chair having a fit. Seana to the rescue...
I got the men to put him on the floor and put my pash under his head and held him with his head up to keep his airways clear
And put him on his side so he didnt choke on his tongue or vomit. Then called an ambulance. I had to look thru his bag to see if there was anything to identify his as a diabetic or epileptic. But there wasnt, but it was bait it was an epileptic fit. So he regained conciousness and we sat him on the chair and i waitied with him till the ambulance came.
What a DRAMA
Then when i was walking thru the park on my way home this boy runs upto me and said excuse me you;ve dropped a pound. I was like ermm are you sure?
he was, butt i didnt have a pound to drop....RAndim. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 14th, 2006|12:05 pm] |
| [ | There she goes |
| |  hurt | ] |
| [ | choooon? |
| | honey-easy lovin | ] |
I am so badly in mourning, however you spell it im destraught.
I never thought i'd miss you so much. I just cannot believe your gone. So suddenly.
I mean i was expecting it for some time. But
not then not now. Not like that. Not after all that we'd been through.
I truely loved you, we had the best times and you got me through so many days.
I felt so comfortable with you.
Yes people, there has been a death.
MY FUCKING PINK BOOTS BROKE!!!!!
sorry for the dramatisation. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 10th, 2006|07:59 pm] |
here is to the friends that make me laugh
Halina Lucy and Emma, pub was nice last night, i dont like it when theres a massive group so it was nice and intemate last night. Not in a sexual way of course.
Bus home however was the highlight of the night. "alright bruv....sort out them teeth" hahaa.
Today we both missed our interviews due to sleep, buttt we went shopping and that was sicktastic, morwenna im sorry about the £20 thing i didnt know i had a daily limit, but i'll give it to you tomorrow yeahhssssss blud
anywayyy im babysitting now and im bored because its a friday night and no one is online and i cant even get on with my biology coursework because its on my computer at home!! longting
Results for my blood test on monday, im gonna get cussed for my liver.
stars |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 4th, 2006|02:07 pm] |
Last night was soo grime time uk.
Nin had a free house so we went and got uber drunk and played drinking games and like just had bare laughs and then i blazed, and threw up.
Felt like i was on a waltzer, you know when it like pulls you back into the seat and you cant lean forward?
Was awful.
But such a sicktastic night.
You know one of those nights where you know whenever you think about it, it will make you laugh
Sage and onion ma bredders
xx |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|12:59 pm] |
| [ | There she goes |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | choooon? |
| | beyonce- check on it | ] |
Today was again like yesterday a lovely day.
Good company, good laughs and after school was a nice end to a nice day.
Even though it was my first full day [no free periods] for like 2 weeks : ( it was bareable and i looked forward to pancakes all day lol.
Today is pay day, my first ever pay day. How exciting : ). im so worried im just going to spend spend spend and have nothing left at all
within about 2 weeks. And i havent really started well, i went shopping to Preeee after school today initially to get some leopard print
ballet pumps, but they did'nt have my size, however i found some other buff shoes- they also didnt have my size > | but i got a gel bra.
Never have i owned a gel bra, love it. And two pairs of knickers and a new pashmina. Im happy with that.
Finally started my Biology coursework tonight. Haven't got very far though. Research is almost done, but i spose its not that bad after that?
Sometimes i fucking hate that subject, but then you have the odd good lesson in it where you feel like somethings actually gone in.
I want my wisdom teeth taken out now!!!!! they're hurting so much and i cant go to hospital until i have the letter. And i have to book in again
for the blood test i missed, but im scared of blood tests!!!! :(
Good-day X |
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| How can it be that we can say so much without words? |
[Feb. 22nd, 2006|07:25 am] |
| [ | There she goes |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | choooon? |
| | madness- it must be love | ] |
Soo, I got up to come in today but my mum said that I shouldn't go in if I didn't feel up to it. And what a surprise, I didn't.
I feel really dis-satisfied with everything and people at the moment. But then its probably just me getting cabin fever and being a silly bastard.
I dont like my new haircut. Its weird so hair will be up for a while now :(
I watched the mighty boosh the other night, dunno if anyones ever watched it, i know halina has because i ranted at her about how good it was last night [sorry]. Its plain and simple masterful. I think its because its soo fucking random, but its just great, the shit they come out with. Its like how did the writers sit there and think of that? And im loving shipwrecked as i said before, but also they're repeating all the old episodes of No Angels which i got really into when it was on, and i lovee watching them again, theres a new series next week but its the final :(:(.
Television has great new appeal since this amazing boredom set in.
And LUKE LEIPER i dont know how many times we've asked, but you are failing to deliver! lol pleaseee do the pictures soon. It would be so kind of you to end the suspense...
I miss people. I havent seen anyone for ages but it seems longer for some people. Like Anna and charlotte and morwenna and lucy motcham. I don't know why those four stick out in particular.
Anyway, school tomorrow, yes, definately. this time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 19th, 2006|05:37 am] |
| [ | There she goes |
| |  moo | ] |
| [ | choooon? |
| | the o.c | ] |
Shipwrecked is QUALITY its really cheered me up today and yesterday.
So half term is officially over in the way of late nights out getting pissed/stoned/high. But theres still this evening.
I've been out twice, once to morwennas for a girly drunken night in which was jokkkes, and then to Inigo on monday to see talk taxis which was soo great. And that is it because flu has shackled me to my house, i havent actually been thru the front door since tuesday, its quite sad really and this post is ridiculously self pitying. So stop.
How has everyones half term been?
Halina i think that my perfect half term would be the one you have just had you cow! lol
Luke, post pictures sooon man! like tonight!
xxxx |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 14th, 2006|11:55 am] |
| [ | There she goes |
| |  ILL | ] |
| [ | choooon? |
| | Amy winehouse- will you still love me tomorrow | ] |
Inigo was so great. It was so refreshing to be out with the graveneys for the first time in so long, and to dance with Hali-bo after so long!
Was touch and go getting in, but it was finee, not much longer of this fake I.D hoo haa. Well for some of us its just over a year...so quite long but shhh.
Can't believe some of our friends are going to 18 this year, Hannah Loves-all Anna Stewart[in GERMANY :(] Lucy Holton Rosannii etc. Crazy.
I am so ill, i was in work today and my eyes were watering so much that it looked like i was crying, and my nose wont stop running and grr its so nasty being ill. And I have to have my blood test tomorrow which im bare scared about because I hate needles.
oh yeah.
Happy Valentines Day .
xxxx |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2006|07:46 am] |
| [ | There she goes |
| | oh yeah you love it | ] |
Today I had a philosophy exam which I didn't go to because at 6.20this morning after dreaming i had a really sore belly, i jumped out of bed and was sick : ) lovely start to the day.
So I went to bed and woke up at like 9 to hear my baby brother throwing up also. Thenn i went back to sleep again. Woke up at about 11 to find an empty house, and threw up again. Then my dad came home and i was sick again. Then again. What i dont get is, how am i still throwing up when i havent eaten anything today? STRANGE BELLY
Bethan....tell me all about th philosophy exam so i can do greatly.
Thankyou
xxxx |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2006|11:59 am] |
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Today has been so great so far, realllly fucking GREAT!
firstly i had a lie in because it was my G day so that was tasty. Then i went to toms for a bit and found that jessie had hidden a redbull for me : ) so that made me happy.
Then i found out my last lesson was cancelled so i only had 2 lessons and me and izzy took a stroll during philosophy which made it go much quicker. Then after 4th me and morwenna went to Northcoat road to her work to hand in an application form for me and I got an interview YAYYY im sooo pleased but so bloody nervous!!!!
Then we had like theeee best paninis ever from starbucks and went and saw Jarhead, which is such a good film and we munched some tasty chocolate and stared at some naked Jake Gyllenhall bootatty! yumm, i'd say that bit was better than the paninis haha
so yeah just a generally nice dayyy
have some of my good spirits xxxxxx |
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| And the beat goes on |
[Jan. 13th, 2006|12:30 pm] |
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Today was an average day.
Tonight im in a weird mood, I dont really want to go out, but I dont want to stay in. Big Brother however should provide some light entertainment, and if anyone is doing anything tomorrow then please do inform me, as I would most definately like to take part.
I love Mr Smith and the way he says Enjambement. He says it everyday apparently, I would love to wake up next to him and hear him say it first thing in the morning, and this is pervy of me. Sorry Dear Mr Smith.
My stomach has no bottom it would appear, I dont mean that in an "I have eaten so much and theres still room" sense. But you know when you feel a bit down bla bla bla and your stomch feels like theres nothing to hold it all in? Hmmm maybe its just me.
-My eyes are stinging so much, stupid eyeliner
FOOOD |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2006|03:42 pm] |
| [ | There she goes |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | choooon? |
| | simply red man- coming home to you | ] |
Its all about resolve and finding some mutual ground, but its hard when you dont know what the other persons thinking, well I think maybe now I do.
I miss my old music, i've lost so many c.d's over the years. I wish I could go on a trip down memory lane and listen to everysong that i've ever played on repeat or listened to over and over.
Rah though im confused about shit. To be honest, im not at all looking forward to 2006. It hasnt been a good start at all so far. I mean I absolutely loved new years eve, it was fucking amazing and like the people I was with...well they made it really, it did'nt even bother me that when it hit 12 I was only with 6 people. I knew everyone else was at southbank watching the fireworks and having fun!
I dont wanna leave 2005 behind, it was such a great year and 2006 is'nt looking so good hmm
norah jones is soothing |
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